I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
