I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
