There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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