My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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