Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize