I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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