I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
