My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
