After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
