Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
