Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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