College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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