Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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