Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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