I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
