so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You took a bar mat shot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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