Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
