I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize