You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could punch you in the face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
