M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
