U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Come see our sink grown plant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
