she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
