Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
