Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I love you.
Bad choice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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