Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
