Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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