nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
