Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
are you so shy because you have an std?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
