I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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