DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
