Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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