Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I want a musical about memes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
