I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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