we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
