Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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