nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
