i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
