Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
