11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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