This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
