whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
