He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize