So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
