You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
