Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize