it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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