That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
