I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
