Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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