i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
