why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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