i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
