no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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