Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
