I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
