Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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