I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize