i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
