im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
