What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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