i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
