Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
