worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
