Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just gargled with NyQuil
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize