Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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