Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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