i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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