I must be too annoying 4 u.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
