And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
